Dealing with a Stutter

This is new writing ground, as this post is going to be brutally honest.

I realise that one of the reasons I decided to blog, was to encourage others who face similar challenges in life. With this in mind, it would be rather dishonest and perhaps selfish to keep quiet about one of my greatest struggles...my stutter.

Society has sadly portrayed stammering to be a reflection of poor intelligence; this is certainly not true as some of the greatest minds in various fields are stutterers. Stuttering can be debilitating, not only on a physical and mental level, but also emotionally. Hence this post aims to encourage stutterers to not be broken by it and non-stutterers to be more empathetic - don't worry, I shall not bore you with scientific facts!

I started stuttering when I was 9 - as a school child, being asked to read a passage in front of the class was the most petrifying task. I still remember the jeers, not only from my peers but also my teacher, as I found myself stuck on a relatively easy word - canteen - for almost 10 minutes! The once extrovert soon started shying away; losing all self-esteem and confidence, I wondered many times why God made me stutter! Such experiences scarred me so much that just the sound of the word 'stammering' or 'stuttering' would hoist my defences as I vigorously denied ever having such a problem.

With debating and public speaking being one of my passions, I felt like I had lost my identity. Luckily, all this changed when I became a Christian.

As a Christian, you find your identity in God, not in what you can do but what He has done. This changed everything. I didn't have to prove myself to God with my eloquence in speech, all He wanted was a willing heart that trusted and obeyed. While I previously felt useless, I now know my life is purposeful - God used Moses, a stutterer, to lead the Jews out of Egypt; what stops Him from using me! I came to terms with the fact that I stutter, while it is still a struggle at times to pronounce certain words fluently, I can assure you that it is not a cross I regret bearing. Don't get me wrong, I get frustrated and embarrassed all the time - who likes standing helpless in front of a crowd!

When I am asked to speak or read in public, I usually say a mini prayer beforehand in my head for God to guide me - miraculously there are numerous instances where He has helped me speak with great ardour and clarity in the presence of many. Although there are other circumstances where He lets me face my stutter, I have learnt how to deal with it; instead of blaming God, I thank Him for reminding me that I need Him always.

I feel the need to share some of my futile attempts to disguise my stammer:

• As Urban Dictionary says, I have become a synonym 'don' (this translates as 'expert' for you cultured folks)! I swap words while speaking and reading if I know it's a syllable that's troublesome. While this is amazing at times, it has left me looking foolish when I'm reading a text others have!
• I skip words out while reading in public. I must admit that this is something I still do - I guess I'd rather appear blind than as a stutterer! However, this frustrates listeners as sentences lack sense - surprise!
• People usually tell me to think before speaking, this does not help as too much care leads to anxiety.

How to deal with it:

My problem was denying I stutter - I remember being referred to a speech therapist at school when I was 12. The therapist asked me if I struggled with stammering...I told her that it must be a mistake as it is very rare and walked out the room - the greatest regret of my life. There are people out there who genuinely wish to help you, although it is hard, accept it.

As I mentioned before, prayer is my key.

I also find it helpful to meditate on verses like:

• 1 Corinthians 10:13 - I know this speaks of temptation; as stuttering tempts me to doubt God, His promises, goodness and awesome power, it is pretty relevant!
• Philippians 4:13

Next, let a friend know! This took a lot of courage but was worth it; the friends who know my struggle have helped me out immensely. Whether it be volunteering to read a part I might end up having to, or just lending a patient listening ear as I limp through a sentence, they are just super understanding!

I find it helpful to read over the texts a few times beforehand in order to not be shocked by the words in it. Breath control can also be a great strategy, although this may not be a foolproof idea, breathing before the word in question has often helped me through it.

When you feel down, remember it is normal, go and research some famous faces who struggled just like you did but refused to let that get them down. Here are a few to start you off: Winston Churchill (What! I know right!), Rowan Atkinson, Marilyn Monroe, Lewis Carroll...just check Wikipedia and watch your jaw drop!

Now to my non-stuttering e-pals:

The most frustrating thing about a stutter is when those close to you are not responsive or supportive. For many years since I began stuttering, there were those who rebuked me for pretending or copying someone else...that is really not helpful!

Also, I find it rather unnerving when people hurry me to speak. Please be patient with a stutterer; it is all thought through, we just need a little longer to express ourselves.

Finally, we can take jokes about stuttering but just remember to be nice and not take it too far! 

Stuttering isn't an impairment unless you let it get to you. I have heard of many who have struggled greatly with it but have overcome it completely.

While this is only a fraction of the array of trials, illnesses and disabilities out there, one truth resonates hope for all: God loves using the ashes of this world to bring forth immense beauty.

To go or not to go...

Let's face it! We've all been in indecisive situations that rob our minds of clarity and our hearts of peace. It can often be a struggle trying to figure out what God's will is, if we want to do it and if you are on the right track. What's worse, those around you also give their opinions, confusing you further. As I was going through one such phase in my life, I foraged through the Bible to help me relate to someone...guess what? I found a lot of people but these were the top three people I looked at, whose lives displayed tricky choices but a wonder working God.

Esther

Hearing about Haman's plot against the Israelites, Mordecai suggested that Esther speak to the king. Although his wife, an uninvited guest in the king's palace has much to fear; they face death. Esther understandably did not want to go, but it was God's will that she did. God didn't force her to go, push her fearful self into the king's court, but He changed her heart. After praying, she courageously went ahead, and the result - victory!

Jonah

After being given a command from God to go to Tarshish and preach, you'd imagine Jonah would tremble and do it! Instead he got on a ship to Nineveh and slept soundly in the lower deck during the disciplining storm. God didn't grab Jonah and put him in Tarshish and order him to preach. He used a fish to swallow him, and inside the fish is where Jonah repented until he himself was willing to go. The result - salvation for a broken people!

Paul

As Saul, he brutally killed many for following Christ. His passion was to persecute and execute Christians. Instead of rebuking him and forcing him to believe, God simply appeared to him as Jesus on that road to Damascus, in fact He blinded him by His appearance. After having his sight restored, Saul became Paul; he had a change of heart and longed to see many saved by the grace that he knew was real. His life was spent preaching the gospel, spreading it from nation to nation, people to people until his death, where he breathed his last as a content follower of the Lamb. Result - rapid spread of Christianity!

You see, none of these people initially wanted to do what God destined them to do. God used situations to change their heart and steer them in the direction of His will. Moreover, each person's experience is different, so is their destined purpose and the way God ushered them into it.

Friend, whatever life throws at you, take a moment to pray, asking God to show you His will and guide you to it...and be prepared to submit to it.

Random Chance? Think again!

'It happened by random chance!', these are the five words every science student can testify to hearing a zillion times! While these words initially evoked outrage within me, reading about Jacob's struggle with Laban extinguished the flames.

From Genesis 29 to chapter 31 we see Jacob's struggle with his father-in-law in order to obtain his rightful wages. Laban, who had already deceived Jacob numerous times, tries to do so again, suggesting Jacob take the speckled, streaked and spotted animals of the flock as his wages. Remarkably however, we see that immediately many of the 'normal' animals began mating with the already streaked, spotted or speckled, producing a far greater proportion that would belong to Jacob!

Mating happens by random chance and so it did in this case; but later on God reveals to Jacob that He was indeed behind it. God working through what we perceive to be random chance! What a baffling thought!

It doesn't stop with Jacob.
Jonah ran away from his God-given duty by hiding in the lower deck of the ship to Tarshish. Nature, by 'chance' was very unkind to the men as they faced a violent, raging storm. In order to identify the culprit who was behind such misfortune, the men cast lots and by 'random chance' it fell on Jonah! Really, 'random chance'? No, we see God's hand at work again.

Proverbs 16:33 confirms this by saying, 'A thing may be put to the decision of chance, but it comes about through the LORD.' In addition, the Bible is filled with ample evidence pointing to a God who mysteriously executes His purposes with probabilities.

Random chance isn't that random after all!

I've learnt to consider not 'whether life arose by random chance' but that I serve a God so mighty and incomprehensible that He is in control of randomness and chance. It does make sense! Who are we to confine God to our boundaries of time and space anyway...remember He was behind those too! 

Embrace Your Inner Catholic

'Therefore the LORD Himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call Him Immanuel' - Isaiah 7:14

The 'Virgin Birth' - perhaps one of the most fundamental, debated, unfathomable doctrinal strands of Christianity that does not cease to amaze, confuse and intellectually challenge individuals.

While there are many conspiracy theories around seeking to explain this mind boggling phenomenon, it is vital as Christians that we understand the significance of the virgin birth and the reality of it.

'Immanuel' - God with us

This very name from Isaiah's prophecy indicates the incarnation of God in human flesh, implying that Jesus was 'fully God' and 'fully human'. I'm not sure about you but this alone is enough to confuse my incompetent brain!

Jesus as Lord and Savior

Salvation pivots on ackowledging Jesus as not only our Savior (someone who died in our place to set us free) but as our Lord (one who is in-charge of and holds our lives). His divinity makes all the difference; if Jesus was not divine, we believe in vain! 

For Jesus to be 'divine', He had to be born of a virgin, but why?

Normal Birth = Normal Human Being 

Hence Jesus' life and teaching would have been the result of the Holy Spirit working in Him. This makes Him no different to the prophets, whom God used as instruments through His Holy Spirit.

Cutting Adam's line

Romans 5:12-21 reminds us that sin is an innate quality in every human, it is written in our genes (so to speak). This natural inclination to sin needs to be broken in order for us to be saved, as we will view God's law with a renewed reverence.

If Jesus was a part of Adam's line, i.e. had earthly parents, he too would have this predisposition, hence His sinfulness would have resulted in an insufficient sacrifice. However, Jesus was God incarnate, conceived by the Holy Spirit, He lived a sinless life and presented Himself as the Lamb without blemish at the altar - a sacrifice plentiful for the human race!

Prophecy fulfilled

Finally, in case you did not notice, the verse at the beginning of this post is from Isaiah, a prophet who lived around 700BC. The prophecies about the Messiah had to correlate with the birth, life, death and ressurection of Jesus.

Yes, it is a far fetched concept that is out of the ordinary, but is God ordinary? 

Yes, it is scientifically impossible, but is God bound by the laws of science, space or time?

NO and NO!

We serve an almighty God, the Maker of heaven and earth, when He could breathe this cosmos into existence ex nihilo, what stops Him from causing a virgin to bear child? Nothing! God is a God of miracles.

The virgin birth is not a basis for salvation but it is a Biblical truth we ought to embrace. As a Vicar at Christian Union illuminated this truth, he also mentioned how unlike Catholics, Evangelicals often ignore, hence devalue this miraculous event, robbing it of its due splendour. Thus I invite you to join me in searching for, finding and embracing that inner Catholic in you, that holds dear this illogical, rationally challenging concept with chains of faith!

Big Ben's Desperate Chimes

The Big Ben is the Great Clock Tower of Westminster in London; it is the largest four-faced chimming clock in the world and the third-tallest free standing clock tower. Not only is this structure one of magnificent beauty, but its familiar chimes resonate through flesh and bone evoking awe. Little did I know that its chimes were in fact a clamarous call to Londoners to turn back to their Maker!

The melody is traditionally thought to have been taken from one of my favourite classical oratorios, Handel's Messiah. The lyrics that correspond with the melody are also inscribed on a plaque in the Big Ben clock room and are as follows:

All through this hour,

Lord, be my guide;

And by Thy power,

No foot shall slide.
 

I am enthralled by tradition; I love digging deeper into the significance of ceremonies, hence to me these lyrics are no coincidence but are purposeful. The Big Ben was part of a new design to reconstruct the ruins of the old Palace of Westminster after a fire. These words to me seem rather apt, pleading God for His power and guidance through the fire, to remain unharmed.

What a prayer! A good reminder that we need God's guidance in every area of our life, every hour. Not only to help us in times of trouble but also to equip us to steer clear of temptations. Today, the Big Ben chimes every day, every hour to the melody of those same words, but only to be ignored by the ears of the millions that hear it each day. I can imagine its frustrations as it desparately tries to get the message across to a generation and society that is in need of it. Sadly, they are also ignored by the Members of Parliament who have chosen to reject God's guidance in the laws, values and principles they enforce or advocate!

The next time we hear the desperate chimes of the old Big Ben, may we remember to seek God's guidance, the only One who can keep our feet from stumbling. May the Big Ben not chime in vain!