Dealing with a Stutter

This is new writing ground, as this post is going to be brutally honest.

I realise that one of the reasons I decided to blog, was to encourage others who face similar challenges in life. With this in mind, it would be rather dishonest and perhaps selfish to keep quiet about one of my greatest struggles...my stutter.

Society has sadly portrayed stammering to be a reflection of poor intelligence; this is certainly not true as some of the greatest minds in various fields are stutterers. Stuttering can be debilitating, not only on a physical and mental level, but also emotionally. Hence this post aims to encourage stutterers to not be broken by it and non-stutterers to be more empathetic - don't worry, I shall not bore you with scientific facts!

I started stuttering when I was 9 - as a school child, being asked to read a passage in front of the class was the most petrifying task. I still remember the jeers, not only from my peers but also my teacher, as I found myself stuck on a relatively easy word - canteen - for almost 10 minutes! The once extrovert soon started shying away; losing all self-esteem and confidence, I wondered many times why God made me stutter! Such experiences scarred me so much that just the sound of the word 'stammering' or 'stuttering' would hoist my defences as I vigorously denied ever having such a problem.

With debating and public speaking being one of my passions, I felt like I had lost my identity. Luckily, all this changed when I became a Christian.

As a Christian, you find your identity in God, not in what you can do but what He has done. This changed everything. I didn't have to prove myself to God with my eloquence in speech, all He wanted was a willing heart that trusted and obeyed. While I previously felt useless, I now know my life is purposeful - God used Moses, a stutterer, to lead the Jews out of Egypt; what stops Him from using me! I came to terms with the fact that I stutter, while it is still a struggle at times to pronounce certain words fluently, I can assure you that it is not a cross I regret bearing. Don't get me wrong, I get frustrated and embarrassed all the time - who likes standing helpless in front of a crowd!

When I am asked to speak or read in public, I usually say a mini prayer beforehand in my head for God to guide me - miraculously there are numerous instances where He has helped me speak with great ardour and clarity in the presence of many. Although there are other circumstances where He lets me face my stutter, I have learnt how to deal with it; instead of blaming God, I thank Him for reminding me that I need Him always.

I feel the need to share some of my futile attempts to disguise my stammer:

• As Urban Dictionary says, I have become a synonym 'don' (this translates as 'expert' for you cultured folks)! I swap words while speaking and reading if I know it's a syllable that's troublesome. While this is amazing at times, it has left me looking foolish when I'm reading a text others have!
• I skip words out while reading in public. I must admit that this is something I still do - I guess I'd rather appear blind than as a stutterer! However, this frustrates listeners as sentences lack sense - surprise!
• People usually tell me to think before speaking, this does not help as too much care leads to anxiety.

How to deal with it:

My problem was denying I stutter - I remember being referred to a speech therapist at school when I was 12. The therapist asked me if I struggled with stammering...I told her that it must be a mistake as it is very rare and walked out the room - the greatest regret of my life. There are people out there who genuinely wish to help you, although it is hard, accept it.

As I mentioned before, prayer is my key.

I also find it helpful to meditate on verses like:

• 1 Corinthians 10:13 - I know this speaks of temptation; as stuttering tempts me to doubt God, His promises, goodness and awesome power, it is pretty relevant!
• Philippians 4:13

Next, let a friend know! This took a lot of courage but was worth it; the friends who know my struggle have helped me out immensely. Whether it be volunteering to read a part I might end up having to, or just lending a patient listening ear as I limp through a sentence, they are just super understanding!

I find it helpful to read over the texts a few times beforehand in order to not be shocked by the words in it. Breath control can also be a great strategy, although this may not be a foolproof idea, breathing before the word in question has often helped me through it.

When you feel down, remember it is normal, go and research some famous faces who struggled just like you did but refused to let that get them down. Here are a few to start you off: Winston Churchill (What! I know right!), Rowan Atkinson, Marilyn Monroe, Lewis Carroll...just check Wikipedia and watch your jaw drop!

Now to my non-stuttering e-pals:

The most frustrating thing about a stutter is when those close to you are not responsive or supportive. For many years since I began stuttering, there were those who rebuked me for pretending or copying someone else...that is really not helpful!

Also, I find it rather unnerving when people hurry me to speak. Please be patient with a stutterer; it is all thought through, we just need a little longer to express ourselves.

Finally, we can take jokes about stuttering but just remember to be nice and not take it too far! 

Stuttering isn't an impairment unless you let it get to you. I have heard of many who have struggled greatly with it but have overcome it completely.

While this is only a fraction of the array of trials, illnesses and disabilities out there, one truth resonates hope for all: God loves using the ashes of this world to bring forth immense beauty.

Swearing - an offense or just an expression of anger

It is fair to say that in our society, we all are accustomed to hearing certain unpleasant words. According to Google Definitions, A 'Swear Word' is 'an offensive word, used especially as an expression of anger'. We have been educated that these words are offensive, and have been disciplined to not use them, yet many use these words on a regular basis. While few use them to express anger in the slip of the tongue and with much apology and penitence, others use them at a higher frequency with very little or no remorse.

As Christians, how are we to respond to this in our society? What does the Bible ultimately say about this contemporary problem? And 'WHY' is it a problem, especially for the Christian?

Colossians 3:7-8 says, You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage. malice, slander and filthy language from your lips.

That is a command with a lot of clarity! It clearly commands the Christian to rid themselves of 'filthy language' - in other words, what our society has branded as 'swearing'. When we choose to follow Christ and identify ourselves in Him, we need to repent of our old ways. We've become 'new creations' as the 'old things have passed away'; we're 'born again'. We need to flee from all sinfulness; we need to hate sin, thus, we need to say 'NO' to swearing, primarily in our lives and then in the society. However, I do understand that most things are easier said than done.

Many may wonder: Why? Why should we not swear? If it is offensive in the eyes of the world, why should it be all the more offensive in the eyes of a Christian?

1Peter 2:11-12 & 15 say, Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day He visits...For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men.

The answer to the above questions is clearly stated in the passage above. When we profess to be Christians, our society watches the way we live more closely. We need to seek to please God primarily and show our society that we are living a 'new', 'changed' life. Yes, the pressure is on! However, what a fantastic opportunity we have to glorify the Savior! We are called to be living testimonies, by not partaking in what the world does - in this case, 'swear' - we stand out. Trust me, people notice the difference, the difference in our relationships and our lifestyles, and they seek the reason - what a better way to point to the Savior!

The truth is, we're not perfect. There will be times when we slip, however, lets not give up but persevere! We live in the world, but should ensure that we're not of the world. When you're tempted to pour out with these words, stop, think and pray for guidance asking God to put a rein over your tongue  - 'clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience...[and] put on love...'(Col 3:12 & 14)  Swearing may seem harmless, however it speaks a lot about a person and can even hurt others. Lets not just call ourselves Christians, but lets profess to be Christians both in word and deed.

Remember:

Colossians 3:17 - ...Whatever you do, word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

When we profess to be Christians, our society watches the way we live more closely!