3 Pieces of advice that helped me navigate Relationships

This Valentine's Day, I have been reflecting on the relationship advice that I have received over the years. At times it was difficult to find godly advice, as worldly wisdom is more readily available! I have had to be intentional in seeking out wisdom and practical advice from Christian literature, and from individuals and have had to use these principles to filter out the noise: Does it contradict God’s Word? Does it contradict what the Bible says about God? Does it draw me closer to God?

The seasons of singleness, courtship and marriage all have their challenges and I have greatly benefitted from the wisdom of more experienced Christians. Therefore I would like to share the top 3 pieces of advice that have shaped the past few years of my life, firstly as a single woman, courting, engaged and finally married.

1. 'Honour God'

I am a Christian and therefore this might seem obvious, yet it is by far the most important piece of advice I have received. But what does it mean to honour God?

To honour God has meant keeping my eyes fixed on Him. During my single years, I found myself a little distracted and relying on my own efforts in this area of my life. On one such occasion at a Christian conference, God caught my attention with a vivid image of me and Him on a fishing deck surrounded by fish jumping out of the water. He remained silent while I repeatedly asked him which fish He had for me. When I tired myself out and finally looked up at Him, I noticed that He had a fish in His hands for me all along. This image has stuck with me. It was a vivid reminder of Matthew 6:33 - But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. A reminder to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, to be focused on growing in my walk with the Lord and serving Him (1 Corinthians 7:32-34). 

To honour God has meant exercising healthy boundaries during my courtship and engagement. This expresses itself differently in each relationship and for me, it involved kissing! Years ago, when I first became a Christian, I vowed to God to save my first kiss for my wedding day and I wanted to see that vow through. Although I had many people tell me that it was too absurd or outdated, I knew that Andrew was the man God had for me because he respected my boundaries and wanted to help me honour this vow that I had made to God.  

Finally, to honour God has meant trusting His timing, even when I cannot see Him working! In Genesis 12, God calls Abraham and promises to make him a 'great nation', yet it was not until Chapter 21, that the promised child, Isaac is born. In the chapters in between, we see Abraham and Sarah try to 'help God' and fulfil the promise in their own way because God was not working according to their timeline. In doing so, they caused themselves and others, a great deal of distress. So it is when we take matters into our own hands. We all have plans, goals and timelines, but we ought to commit them all to God (Proverbs 16:3,9) - trusting Him to work things out in His perfect way and in His perfect timing. 

2. 'Don't let your level of attachment exceed your level of commitment'

Although I cannot remember where or who this was from, this has been one of the most important pieces of advice that I have received. As I have mentioned before, I believe boundaries are important, and this piece of advice helped me set healthy boundaries in my friendships with the opposite sex, and in my courtship and engagement to Andrew. I wanted my boundaries to reflect the level of commitment I had in that relationship. For example, during our courtship, I did not want my level of emotional and physical attachment to exceed that i.e I did not want to treat Andrew like a husband. It was difficult at times, especially emotionally, however it certainly helped me evaluate our relationship more clearly.

3. 'Compatibility is something you build together'

We live in a 'try before you buy' culture. We are encouraged to live together before we are married to see if we are 'compatible'. However compatibility is not something you are just born with, it is something you develop together. 

People are often shocked that Andrew and I did not live together before we were married. Despite loving each other very much and sharing the same faith and values, we had (and still have) our differences. Making the covenant to love and cherish each other in every season of our life enables us to be vulnerable with each other and work on those differences without the pressure of performance, comparison or insecurity. I am reminded here of B cells in our immune system recognising a viral protein. Receptors on B cells are designed to bind specific viral proteins, however they do not fit them 'perfectly'. Once they recognise the protein of interest, B cells introduce changes in their genes to help 'improve the fit' to better respond to the virus. Likewise, when Andrew and I first got married we had to work to 'improve the fit', and marriage removed the pressures imposed by society to help us do just that. One of the key areas for us was communication, where we both had to tweak our styles. For Andrew, it meant being more sensitive, while for me it meant being more open and direct.

I can only speak from my experience, and I don't have a lot to draw from in this area! However, as I benefited from hearing other Christians' experiences, I wanted to share the things that helped me. If you have questions about singleness, courtship or marriage, may I encourage you to firstly seek God, and then to speak to those you trust in your church. 

2021 - Reflecting on a year of “Change”!

What a year this has been folks! A wedding, multiple receptions, moving house, not once but twice, a honeymoon and completing a PhD. My 2021 was ram-packed with change, but throughout it all I have been so in awe of God’s goodness, faithfulness and His sovereignty.

In May, I had the privilege of marrying my best friend, Andrew. He is the answer to a popcorn prayer I prayed in 2013, having just met him for the first time, asking God for a husband like Andrew. Little did I know that God was going to answer that prayer, in His way, and in His time.

Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4

Despite our cultural differences (which were a topic of discussion for my Indian family - but that’s a story for another day!), our shared faith in Jesus has united and strengthened us, helping us navigate through a season of waiting and uncertainty. Even though we were only allowed 15 guests at our pandemic wedding, it was a truly blessed day. We saw God’s hand at work in every detail - from friends and family joining us online from all around the world, to a shower of natural confetti from the cherry blossom tree when we stepped out of the church. It was perfect! God’s ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9) and He is able to do immeasurably more than what we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

If getting married was stressful enough to do in a pandemic, finishing a PhD was worse! The journey was long and incredibly trying at times, but through it all, I have felt God’s presence by my side and His hand at work at every stage. 

When I have been overcome with worry I have heard Him whisper:

“Do not be afraid little flock.” ~ Luke 12:32

 “Be still and know that I am God” ~ Psalm 46:10 

When I have felt inadequate, He has reassured me:

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” ~ Isaiah 41:10

The hours leading up to the submission of my thesis were nothing short of a nightmare. Two laptops crashed and the third struggling, I made the midnight deadline with literally a minute to spare! It honestly felt like God has stopped the clock for me to submit my thesis in time just like He stopped the sun for Joshua (Joshua 10). He is a way maker, a miracle worker and a promise keeper and my PhD journey has helped me see more of who He is and my constant need for Him. 

I started this year in Southampton, unmarried and working on experiments in the lab. I am finishing this year as a married woman, having completed my PhD and now living with my husband in London. Even though a lot has changed, God has been the same - good, faithful and in control.

My dear friends, I pray that as you read these musings that you are encouraged to keep trusting God even in times of waiting and frustration. I pray that you know His constant presence, His immeasurable power and His unchanging love in every season that awaits you in the coming year.

Happy New Year!

Sweet Surrender

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

These words followed me around over the past few days. I would see it pop-up on my devotional, on text messages, social media, name it! God was speaking to me loud and clear, but I was missing the point, over and over again!

It has been a stressful week - with experiments taking longer than intended, work piling up, house-search, family members being unwell, conflicts, and just my usual bouts of over-thinking everything and anything imaginable - I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. While I knew that God is in control and that He eagerly waits for us lay our burdens at His feet, I found it difficult to let go.

Letting go meant embracing uncertainty. It meant that I could no longer try to dictate the course of the journey I was on, or its destination. It meant opening myself up to the possibility that God might have a 'No' or a 'Not yet' when I desperately wanted an immediate 'Yes'. It meant holding my dreams and desires loosely. 

Hence I refused to let go of the rudder. I would rather fall prey to the worries of this world, than lose control of the situation!

However my stubbornness robbed me of peace. My worries were too great a burden for me to bear. I realised that I strived in vain - God was ultimately in control of every situation that bothered me. His plans will prevail over mine, and they are always for my good and His glory. In fact, there was no need to worry, fret or stress about anything! My fretting was not just futile, but silly! He loves me more than anyone in this universe, and if He chooses to withhold something from me, it must be for my good. I needed to trust Him enough to just sit back and enjoy the ride, even if I wasn't sure about the road He was taking.

The prophet Isaiah reminds us that God's thoughts and ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). We often rely on our limited vision of life to dictate our response to the situations that come our way. However God has a bird's eye view of our lives. He knows the past, present and future, and the repercussion of every choice we make. We can trust Him and His ways, even if they don't make sense to us right now. We can surrender our hopes, dreams and worries at His feet, knowing that He is a good and faithful Father who works all things together for our good (Romans 8:28). 

We might be facing a storm, but let us not forget that we serve a God who parted the sea, walked on water, and even beat death! Let go of the rudder, refuse to be a back-seat driver and walk into the peace and joy that awaits us when we surrender it all to Jesus.

Then Jesus said to His disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear? For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will He clothe you - you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek His kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. 

"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom"

~ Luke 12:22-32

Pendennis Head, Falmouth @mywanderinglens

That thorn in my flesh - a blessing in disguise!

It's been a particularly demanding week, where I was forced to confront one of my weaknesses. I had two presentations lined up. While I don't mind presentations, they require me to do something I enjoy but deeply dread - speak in public! I stutter, and I have been since I was seven. Growing up, it often made me an object of ridicule and left me pleading with God for a miracle that never came. Little Cindy wondered why God wouldn't heal the stutter even though He could - and grown-up Cindy often wonders the same during weeks such as this!

While mulling over the tasks at hand, God led me to read 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 - where Paul talks about the 'thorn in [his] flesh'. Like me, Paul had prayed multiple times for the 'thorn' to be removed, and like my stutter, his thorn remained. God was powerful enough to remove his, and He is powerful enough to remove mine. The fact that God allowed the thorn to 'torment' Paul, doesn't question His love towards him, but reaffirms it. Paul recognised that God was using the thorn to keep him 'from becoming conceited', and God reassured Paul that even though the 'thorn' remained, '[His] grace was sufficient' to get him through whatever, and that '[His divine] power was made complete in [Paul's] weakness'.

The same can be said about our weaknesses. Our weaknesses humble us, and serve as a constant reminder of our need for God. My stutter forces me to throw myself into the arms of Jesus. It forces me to cling to Him and trust Him with the outcome. It forces me to acknowledge how small I really am and how big God is. It has served as a reminder, time and again, that I serve a God who never fails, a God who never lets His children down, a God who cares for both my physical and spiritual well-being.

Without weaknesses we would look within ourselves for the strength only God can provide; and we would fail to acknowledge God for the role He plays in our lives. His grace is enough to sustain us, and we can be certain that His strength will rescue us. Therefore, next time you are forced to confront your weaknesses, don't let that toxic trio of doubt, dread and dismay creep in. Instead let us turn to these verses and be reminded that our weaknesses are blessings in disguise, designed to safeguard us from the pride of self-sufficiency itching to consume us. Whatever your weakness, it is neither a surprise, nor a challenge for the God who created this universe. Trust Him with the wheel and let Him amaze you by how He leads you through it, and like Paul, we too will be able to 'delight in [our] weaknesses' and 'boast all the more' in them.

Amy Carmichael - A Mother to the Motherless

Amy Carmichael, was a British missionary from the 1900s who dedicated her life to serving children in South India. Dohnavur Fellowship, the orphanage she founded for children who were abandoned or rescued (often from temple prostitution), still stands today, faithfully serving the Lord.

When I first read about her, I instantly fell in love - in addition to being a courageous Christian woman, she served the part of the world I come from, had a heart that broke for the lost and strove sacrificially, to bring justice to the vulnerable. Her life is nothing short of inspiring and here are a few reasons why...

She did not let convention hinder her calling

Carmichael longed to see the lost saved, whatever the cost. Paraphrasing Paul in his first epistle to the church in Corinth... to the Japanese she became like a Japanese, to the Sri Lankans, she became like a Sri Lankan, and to the Indians she became like an Indian. She recognised that the comfort of familiarity was worth little before the weight of the gospel she bore; hence she let God lead her into places where others failed to go, using means that were frowned upon. Her example reminds us that evangelism has no status quo, and encourages us to break free from socio-cultural taboos for the sake of the gospel.

She honoured the authority of scripture

Stephen Neill was an intelligent young man, who had a Cambridge education and was waiting to be ordained by the Church of England. However he doubted the trustworthiness, hence inspiration and authority of scripture on intellectual grounds. Despite this, to many his credentials made him better suited than Carmichael to take over the work at Dohnavur (or at least help lead it alongside her). Carmichael rightly opposed it!
I've seen many profess faith in Christ yet question the authority of scripture, cherry-pick to their whims and fancies, or totally take passages out of context. What good is a great education, or good morals when it comes to understanding God? If we fail to see Him for who He really is, we will never truly see why we, and the world around us, desperately need Him.
Yes we live an age where the harvest is plenty but labourers are few, but it is also an age rife with false gospels. Carmichael's resolve to uphold the authority of scripture reiterates the fact that we are better off with no labourers at all, than having the wrong kind of labourers.

She sincerely sought to remove anything, in herself or her ministry, that could hinder the salvation of a lost soul

Iain H. Murray, points out in his biography, 'Amy Carmichael - Beauty for Ashes' that Carmichael was so pained upon hearing that many in Dohnavur were yet to know Jesus, that she prayed the following,

'There may be weakness, compromise, lack of determination to keep the winning of souls to the front, the use of unconsecrated means, unsanctified ways of getting money, unconverted workers. There may be an absence of identification with the people for whose sake we are here, an unconscious aloofness not apostolic. Perhaps our love has cooled. Perhaps we know little of the power of the Holy Ghost, and hardly expect to see souls saved here and now, and are not broken down before the Lord because we see so few. God forgive us and make us more in earnest.'

It pains me that I don't seek a revival enough to pray relentlessly. It pains me that I don't care enough about my loved ones to risk rejection to tell them about Jesus. It pains me that I don't bother to rid my life of those 'harmless' sins that I let myself slip into. It pains me that my walk with God is so driven by convenience, that I justify reading a devotional without actually picking up my Bible to meditate on it. Perhaps I ought to make Carmichael's prayer my own! If I really want to see lives saved from an eternity in hell, I ought to strive to live a life that is sold-out for Jesus, in private and in public.

She let God steer the rudder

Amy Carmichael set out to Asia as an evangelist, little did she know that God had something else in store for her. Initially she mothered a number of young girls, but God surprised her with the 'accidental' arrival of a baby boy, and she found herself adapting the work to include little boys. Her life reminds us to hold our dreams and desires loosely but to hold on to God tightly. I have stopped stressing about where I see myself in 5, 10, 15 years time - all I know is that I see myself following God on the path He has set out for me.


These are but few of the many reasons why I find the life of Amy Carmichael inspiring - I would really recommend you delve deeper into her life for yourselves. May we, along with Carmichael and others like her, live a life motivated by love, full of passion for the gospel, and led by the Holy Spirit, completely trusting God.

I would like to end with a little fact I knew nothing about until recently, but it is something that added to my excitement in exploring the life and ministry of this remarkable missionary.
Amy Carmichael travelled with a small group of Tamil Christian women to proclaim the gospel. They called themselves the 'Starry Cluster' based on Daniel 12:3 ~ Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever. It just so happens that a great grandmother of mine, Sellamuthu, was one of the women in the Starry Cluster.

One of my great grand mothers, Sellamuthu, with one of the little girls at Dohnavur. She is said to have had just one arm, but was known for her heart for social justice

3 eye-openers from the BFG Dream Jar Trail

Growing up I loved Roald Dahl's BFG. As you can imagine, I was thrilled to hear of not just Spielberg's take on it, but the BFG Dream Jar Trail around London for Save the Children. The trail featured a total of 50 jars that depict the dreams of a number of celebrities; 46 placed around the capital and 4 elsewhere. Today marked the final day of the trail, and the day I ticked off all the available jars in London.

It was good fun and a great excuse to explore our gorgeous capital. I discovered so many hidden gems in the city I call my home, and met a lot of interesting people. I've enjoyed reading about the dreams I've been chasing and above all, having my eyes opened to truths I've dismissed - these I hope to share with you in this post.

1. I quit because I'm lazy!

My parents will tell you that I've started many things. They'll also tell you that I've quit most of those things. If you'd like examples of interests that fell into that category, there's stamp collecting, piano, guitar, drums, rowing...I could literally go on forever! In fact whenever I announce that I'm planning to pursue a new hobby, I get a sarcastic, 'Sure...' - and rightly so! I think we all knew the BFG Dream Jar Trail was going to end up on that list. I started it on the 3rd of August and quickly forgot about it when I left on holiday. When I returned however, something changed; I realised the trail closed in two days - that's two days to see 40 jars. I could have given up on it and add it to my list of quits, or proved myself wrong. I'm glad I chose the latter.
I got up early two days in a row, and walked till I could feel my feet no longer, but I surprised myself in ticking all 40 jars off the list.
I have proved to myself that I am no quitter. As shameful as it is to admit, I have proved to myself that I am lazy. I am the same person who started all those things I quit. I didn't quit them because I lost interest, instead I was too lazy to try a little harder when it got tough, too lazy to put that extra bit of effort to get better.
As the saying goes, 'When the going gets tough, the tough get going' - for all those times I've quit, I can see I was not too tough, but I feel this trail has shown me that I can be tough.

2. Be bold enough to start chasing your dream, welcoming enough to let others journey alongside you, and humble enough to call for help

I have many dreams but I am often reluctant to start pursuing them myself. I don't know what it is, perhaps the need for reassurance, or the fear of facing things myself, but I prefer tagging along with someone. This is particularly true for spiritual assignments I feel God nudging me to do - instead of getting to it immediately, I spend hours, or even days trying to find someone who'll join me. The trail helped me see that making the start is always the hardest because I'm blinded by my hyperbolic preconceptions, these soon shatter in light of reality.
Moreover, once I was on the trail, I met a lot of people, young and old, also on the trail. Every person I met was at a different stage - one lady had just a handful of jars remaining, a cute elderly couple were at the same stage as me, and a family just started the trail. It was lovely to see we all shared something in common, no matter how trivial, it united us. There were smiles, knowing nods and even an exchange of tips. Likewise, when we cross paths with fellow believers, no matter where they are on their walk with the Lord, let us seek to build each other up and focus on who unites us, Christ.
There were some jars that were particularly difficult to find, like the three hidden in Harrods. My dad and I spent A LOT of time trying to find them but to no avail. I had to finally give up and ask one of the sales attendants for help. In life, we will face situations where we are truly lost, in those moments let us shed our pride and seek for help.

3. Embrace spontaneity

My dream jar trail didn't go exactly to plan. For starters, I was hoping to complete it before my holiday, and see all 46 jars. I completed it on the last day possible, and missed 3 jars which were removed earlier than expected. In addition to that, I left home with a solid and detailed plan, however en route, I sometimes realised that some jars were further away or there were transport delays and I had to improvise. Spontaneity uplifted my pursuit by pumping excitement into my weary, energy-depleted self. Things won't always go to plan, no matter how meticulous your planning. Instead of despairing over what should've been, embrace the moment and take it from there.

I got a bit carried away watching GBBO and catching up on some other shows, and really want to post this by midnight. I know it is rushed but I hope I made some sense! Bottom line, even though my feet are throbbing right now, I loved the BFG Dream Jar Trail!

I'll leave you with my favourite jar, 'Ship of Dreams' by Sir Ben Ainslie

5 things I've learnt as an undergraduate

Well hello there! It has been a while, a very long while, but it's good to be back!
I've bid farewell to my three years at Queen Mary. From learning about the mysteries of the DNA, and meeting the amazing people I'm blessed to call my friends, to holding naked mole-rats, my time as  an undergraduate here has been exciting, challenging and inspiring. These three years have helped me grow, not just as a scientist, but also as a Christian, and I'm excited to share the top five lessons I've learnt...


Don't be afraid to look stupid

I don't like asking questions, due to the fear of looking stupid or exposing my ignorance. My final year project however involved a bioinformatics software which can only be understood and mastered by a series of trial-and-error cycles. It was an experience that humbled me and pushed me to seek for help, over and over again! It taught me to hold my pride and ego very loosely, and that it is okay to look stupid sometimes.
I am there to learn, and if I don't ask the questions that clarify my doubts, I will never find the answer, which would result in my knowledge being built upon a faulty foundation, which will one day collapse. It's better to look stupid during the learning process, than let it accumulate and result in something disastrous in the future.


A good friendship runs deeper than religion, world views and politics

This lesson was a hard one to learn, because I form attachments easily! Our values are an important part of who we are; God fashioned each one of us with our little quirks and political preferences. It's not a matter of 'I'm right, you're wrong', but a matter of striving towards the same end through varied means.
I am a Christian, hence my world view is shaped by my understanding of God's Word, and this happens to be a weird concoction of conservatism and socialism. As my views often deflect from the consensus, I am very careful about sharing them with anybody and everybody. Therefore I've grown to really value those liberating friendships where we can openly discuss these topics, knowing that no matter how much we differ, our friendship is going to be as strong as it ever was. Bottom line, love the person for who they are, their political views and all!

If this is something you struggle with, I would really recommend you read, Confessions of a 'leftie' married to a 'rightie' by Becky Miles, it's great little article that offers much food for thought.

Pursuing a dream together, draws people closer

I'm referring here to those big dreams, where one pair of hands are just not enough. My friends and I had one such dream in 2014, to help rough sleepers in London. We decided to act on it together, and managed to set up a community project, Mary Christmas. It was a time that we cherished; it made each of us vulnerable and dependent, exposing our strengths and weaknesses. Of course there were times when tensions rose but we didn't let that divide us. When everything came together in the end, it was worth it. The feeling of accomplishment united us in a very special way, as it was not 'I' but 'We did it', that resonated in and through each one of us.
It is the logic behind those team building exercises in school or at work, they're not just designed to break the ice, but also to allow us to understand a person like we've never done before, and that renews our respect and our relationship.

God is faithful and He will always provide

My entire university experience can be summed up by the above statement. I can give you numerous examples but I'll stick to two...

First up is my naked mole-rat obsession! If we've met, it is inevitable that you've been exposed to my love for naked mole-rats. For my final year project, I had the privilege of working with a scientist whose work I've admired and followed for years, Dr. Chris Faulkes, the naked mole-rat expert! As my project was a molecular one which didn't require meeting these creatures, I constantly put off requesting to see them (also because it involved a variety of health and safety formalities). However when I finally decided to ask, it looked like it was too late and I was shattered! Within a couple of weeks however, Dr. Faulkes kindly allowed me to see and hold them without any of the required occupational health checks, thanks to a sudden naked mole-rat display at our open day! That to me friends, has God written all over it!

Likewise (while Mary Christmas is still fresh in our minds) in 2015, my friends and I decided to collect toys and books for child refugees in the UK in addition to our previous homeless mission. It was something I desperately wanted to see happen; we organised a collection, found the right contacts and committed to sending these gifts to two housing associations in the country. During our collection however, we had a lot of donations for rough sleepers but very few for children. The deadline for shipping soon approached, and we had 12 items to share between two housing associations, I was heart broken. Miraculously that night, my friend who runs a project for refugees in Calais, France (Convoy to Calais), received two massive cartons packed with toys; they had bounced back due to a lack of space in the camps in Calais. She kindly passed these on to me and we were able to send a substantial amount of toys and books to both associations. In addition, my mum's boss generously took care of the shipping charges. This friends, is divine providence!

The above scenarios are just few of the many times I've deeply desired or strived to attain something that looked far fetched. When all hope was lost however, God showed up, time and again, to sort it out in a way that far surpassed anything I imagined - giving me no reason to ever doubt or underestimate Him!


God plans coincidences

Finally, a lesson that excites me, and one that I thoroughly enjoyed learning!
It was by chance that I picked Medical Genetics. It was by chance that I ended up at Queen Mary. In fact, if you have a few minutes to spare, I'd love for you check out my testimony on how I ended up here on Facebook - it's a few years old so please excuse the weird hairdo, craziness and what not!

Looking back, I've had no regrets, instead I've had a lot of amazing experiences, some of which were deep desires I've seldom shared, others have been experiences that took me by surprise but I've thoroughly enjoyed. Yes it is cliché, but I've come to see that everything happens for a reason. Every person that has crossed my path, every situation I have found myself in, I attribute it all to the one who holds my life in His hands. God steers the rudder of my life, hence I am assured that He is taking me wherever He wants me to be, through the route He wants me to take, with the people He wants me to share the journey with, in part or in full!
There really is no such thing as a coincidence - even if life seems puzzling right now, a few years down the line, you will see how the pieces beautifully fit together.

I think this is an apt note to end on.
I hope these reflections have encouraged you.

I'm right at home in the unknown!

With the final year of my degree lingering around the corner, I've been hit time and again by the million dollar question, 'What next?'
My friend and I were mulling over how our stories would unravel - the careers we'd choose, the places we'd visit, the people we'd meet, the men we'd marry (just to clarify, one man per woman!), most importantly, what would our God-given missions look like? We were so excited for the future that we couldn't wait for it to unfold; we wanted to know every detail of it, NOW!
Where would we live? What would we look like in 10 years? How much would we earn? What would our husbands look like - is he going to be short, tall, bearded, man-buned, dreadlocked, spectacled, tattooed? What would we have accomplished for God? Would we have kids - if so, how many?

As my mind raced wildly through the many possibilities, I realised that where I am at present greatly differed from my dreams five years ago. I wanted to be an Oxford medic pursuing a career in cardiology, but here I am marvelling over the DNA and naked mole rats at Queen Mary with little clue as to what to specialise in, and I honestly love every second of it! If my 15 year old self could foresee the future however, she would've freaked out - she'd consider it a failure and embarrassment. In hindsight, I am grateful that God helped me steer clear of a massive mistake. At 15, I was driven by pride and was not mature enough to choose what was best for me, let alone see God's hand at work in and through me. It took a series of events for God to break me, and change my desires, passions and perspective, and prepare me for what He had in store all along. At 20, I am still not mature enough to handle what God has in store 5, 10 or 15 years down the line.

Hence I've resolved to making a few changes...

I have decided to read my book of life, one page at a time and quit trying to peek into the rest.
As I recently read 'Nineteen Minutes' by Jodi Picoult, I often found myself having to re-read a page because I just could not concentrate; my mind wandered, longing to find out what happened next! I believe the same happens when we pump all our efforts into the future. My friend puts it beautifully in an article he wrote for Open Doors Youth, 'As a young Christian I often place these big expectations on my life, and when the future is uncertain I forget to live for God in the here and now. I get wrapped up in the fine details of my ‘calling’ and miss out on the adventures He has for me every single day. I measure my worth by the things I do, rather than by the One who loves me as I am.'
Right now, there are people all around us, waiting to be fed, clothed, loved and saved - what are we waiting for!
Every grand ending, starts with a humble beginning and many steps of obedience.
What need in the world does your heart break for?
What step is God nudging you to say, 'Yes!' to?

I have decided to embrace the mystery, for it has given me the freedom to dream.
I haven't stopped dreaming; I haven't stopped aspiring - but I do it all at the feet of Jesus. Wise King Solomon said, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it's the LORD's purpose that prevails" I can rest assured that my future is in the hands of the One who seeks the best for me. If my dreams are for my good and His glory, they'll come to pass, no matter how far-fetched they are; and for those dreams that stem out of my 'selfish ambitions and vain conceit', He'll humble me and give me the grace to rise above them and accept His, 'No'. While God sifts through my dreams, I'll continue to faithfully serve Him wherever I am.
I know that I hinted at being weary about dwelling on the future but PLEASE DREAM; whatever you do, DON'T STOP DREAMING, because 'without vision, people perish'

"I don't know what the future holds, but I know the One who holds my future" ~ someone wise

Ultimately, it all comes down to trusting God in complete surrender. As we step into the unknown, be it a new academic year, career or relationship, we can feel at home, knowing God will meet us there.

To end, here's a little something to reflect on from Francesca Battistelli:

Keeping Me Guessing

 

Coffee cup waking me up
I've got to board a plane
And fly away sometimes
I feel like I'm going the speed of light
Can't relax I'm moving too fast
I want to find the gold but I don't have a map
I wish that I could know what you've got in store for me

I try and try
To read your mind
'Cause I forget that patience is a virtue
You're teaching me to hold on tight

'Cause I don't know how the story ends
But I'll be alright 'cause You wrote it
I don't know where the highway bends
But I'm doing just fine
'Cause You're in control
Even when I don't know
Where my life's gonna go
You're keeping me guessing

 

So slow me down
Show me around
I want to see the world
That I've been without
I am here and now
The future is out of my hands

 

I'm trusting you
And how you move
I won't forget that patience is a virtue
You're teaching me to hold on tight

Seasons come
And seasons go
But you decide

 

You're keeping me guessing

Dear Mr. Holy Spirit, Why Aren't You Ministering To Me?

I had the best week serving at Soul Survivor, for Open Doors Youth. It was my first Soul Survivor experience, so I made the most of everything - the sunshine, serving at the ToolShed, tent times, Big Top meetings, seminars, late night worship, name it!

Every meeting was followed by a time of prayer, where the Holy Spirit was moving among people in ways I don't generally see; He would release Himself through shouts, bursts of joy, physical movements - it was wonderful to see but the problem was, I felt nothing!

When people were having dreams and visions, I had nothing. When everyone around me seemed to be feeling something, I was merely still. I grew so frustrated that I eventually cried out, "God, have you forgotten me? Why have you left me out!" At that moment, Beth Croft belted out the words, 'You have not forgotten me' - call it coincidence, but to me it's got heaven written all over it! Suddenly I was so overwhelmed by the presence of God that the waterworks began and I had to sit down.

I don't know about you, but I often box the Holy Spirit up. I look for Him in the powerful wind, the earthquake and the fire, when He prefers to show up in a gentle whisper.

The Holy Spirit is free to manifest Himself in any way He pleases - be it tongues, visions, dreams, prophecies, healing or just an overflow of tears and joy. We are in a relationship with Him - He knows our deepest, darkest secrets and still loves us, above all He knows exactly how to speak to us. His ministry to us is personal. God didn't go around distributing coal-tongue therapies, neither did He give out an open invite for His transfiguration (I'm sure the other disciples would've loved to see that glorious sight too!). This is not a case of holier than thou, but of personalised manifestation. Salvation is not affirmed by the gifts (1 Corinthians 12:8-10) we display, but by the fruit (Galatians 5:22-23) in our lives - both of which are facilitated by the Holy Spirit!

My attitude at the start of the week, was much like Peter's in the last chapter of John's Gospel, when he seems far more interested in John's death than his own. Jesus responded with, "What's it to you?" - I believe that's exactly how He would have responded to me! From day one, He was ministering to me, draining away insecurities, hurt and grudges, replacing them with His love, and opening my eyes to see a little more of Him. I was so caught up in comparing the way He moved in others that I missed everything He was doing in me.
Friend, if you resonate with me on this, let us resolve to quit confining, comparing and complaining, instead, let us praise God for His work in others, and tune every cell in our body to however He chooses to minister to us.
Let us let God, be God.

A Piece in the Puzzle

I realised something was wrong when I chopped my fringe off and started welling up at the site of a rather messy, and 'boy-ish' looking thing staring back at me...

I like my long curls, but they're too much work and at the moment, I'm just not about that life so I prefer this pixie freedom. However, not everyone is a fan! I'm not surprised, I mean I've sported short hair for a few years and of course I've had the 'Is this your son?' moments (what still baffles me, is the fact that I wore a skirt when this was asked!).
Once I hit that big old 20, my immunity to the suffocation of cultural expectations eased. I am Asian, and Asian girls are 'expected' to dress a certain way...long hair, jewels...you know what I mean! I love the occasional bling but my staple is a baggy top and a pair of jeans. The occasional frown never really bothered me, in fact, I've always found the stares at Asian gatherings rather amusing! This time around however, the comments became more frequent and I even had a little 5 year old ask me if I was 'becoming a boy' - that was a first, and for some reason it shocked me so much that insecurity finally kicked in.

I became more conscious about hair, my not-so-slender physique, and just about everything - but it was so subtle that I didn't recognise what was going on until I stood in front of the mirror with some hair I had chopped in an attempt to make me look 'girly' - ironically the chop was so horrendous that I now look more like a boy!

I let people's opinion of me distort mine. I was letting them change the way I dotted my i's and crossed my t's. I was too focused on winning their approval that I forgot about what the most important person in the universe thought of me.

God knit me together, from the bases in my DNA to my passions and dreams, He put it all together before the beginning of time. He thinks I'm wonderful and that's all that matters. My preferences, likes and dislikes have nothing to do with being a woman, my sexuality or even my relationship with God (I can't tell you how many people struggle to place my short hair alongside my love for God); I need but one approval - as long as it honours Him, why care about what anyone else thought?

I am not defined by any of this, neither are you. Our identity is in Christ.
The quicker we believe this, the more effective we'll be in pursuing our God-given mission.

I view this universe as one grand puzzle. Changing a piece disrupts the picture; trying to press it in up-side down delays the outcome but missing a piece altogether, leaves it incomplete. Like a piece of a puzzle that's shaped to fit into a specific space, God fashioned each of us with our little quirks to occupy a niche that no one else can. Let us be that piece God made us to be and see His grand plan unravel.

God's Smuggler

I recently finished 'God's Smuggler', a book that vividly depicts the life of Andrew van der Bijl, better known as Brother Andrew. I highly recommend reading this book, as it no doubt leaves you challenged, inspired and totally in awe of our awesome God!

Brother Andrew is the founder of Open Doors, an organisation that supports persecuted Christians around the globe. Last week marked 60 years since the first time he smuggled Christian literature into a no bounds country - communist Poland. Brother Andrew refers to his ministry as "combative, confrontational, controversial...[and] compassionate" He is driven solely by love - love for God, His Word and for His people. He is a man of controversy, faith, courage, prayer and discipline; I believe there is a lot we can learn from him and his heart for God. In this post, I'd like to share three 'Brother Andrew qualities' I'd like to see every Christian replicate (myself included!)

DISCIPLINE

One of the first things that struck me about this Dutch man was his unwavering discipline when it came to spending time with God.
I struggle finding the 'right time' to have a quiet time - even when I allocate a time, I end up compromising. I used to have it at 10pm but during the holidays, it is hard to keep my nights free. I tried having it at 5am but my sudden love for sleep has made it rather impossible to wake up...but here is a man who is 87 and never once missed his 2 hour long quiet time at 5am! Folks, this is dedication at its finest!
Brother Andrew doesn't just understand the importance of prayer in personal spiritual edification, but in global spiritual edification. It wasn't his fearlessness that has helped us cater to the needs of our persecuted family, neither was it his prowess, it was God working through Him because he put God first, come rain or shine. Here is a man living out the words of Oswald Chambers when he said, "Prayer does not fit us for the greater work; prayer is the greater work"

Behind every breakthrough, there is prayer.
Behind every miracle, there is prayer.
Behind every revival, there is prayer.
Prayer brings us closer to our Father; it tunes our hearts to beat with His and better acquaints us with the voice of His Spirit in us.
We want to see our nation saved. What is stopping us from pursuing a healthy, consistent prayer life? If it truly mattered to us, we will make time for it.

DEPENDENCE

There have been moments in my life where I've been helpless, situations only God could help me out of. We are taught to secure our lives, be it our futures or finances; none of us choose to be helpless. However a sense of security can often lead to pride or self-reliance; it can also make us vulnerable to fear. To trade that for helplessness eases the fear as we solely depend on God. His strength is made complete in our weakness.
Brother Andrew is a man who intentionally made himself helpless, to ensure all glory belonged to God alone. In his book, he speaks of times he had to queue, waiting his turn at some thorough security checks, in a car literally bursting at its hinges with Bibles:

"Lord," I went on, "I know that no amount of cleverness on my part can get me through this border search.  Dare I ask for a miracle?  Let me take some of the Bibles out and leave them in the open where they will be seen.  Then, Lord I cannot possibly be depending on my own stratagems, can I?  I will be depending utterly upon You."

While the last car was going through its chilling inspection, I managed to take several Bibles from their hiding places and pile them on the seat beside me.

It was my turn. I put the little VW in low gear, inched up to the officer standing at the left side of the road, handed him my papers, and started to get out.  But his knee was against the door, holding it closed.  He looked at my photograph in the passport, scribbled something down, shoved the papers back under my nose, and abruptly waved me on. 

Surely thirty seconds had not passed.  I started the engine and inched forward.  Was I supposed to pull over, out of the way where the car could be taken apart?  Was I ... surely I wasn’t...I coasted forward, my foot poised above the brake.  Nothing happened.  I looked out the rear mirror.  The guard was waving the next car to a stop, indicating to the driver that he had to get out.  On I drove a few more yards.  The guard was having the driver behind me open the hood of his car.  And then I was too far away to doubt that indeed I had made it through that incredible checkpoint in the space of thirty seconds.

My heart was racing.  Not with the excitement of the crossing, but with the excitement of having caught such a spectacular glimpse of God at work!

This is complete surrender, and one of my favourite parts of the book!

 

FAITH

“In the years of living this life of faith, I have never known God's care to fail.”

Jesus said that a mustard seed of faith can move mountains. I often struggle to even have an iota of it as I am blinded by doubts, logic and reality. Faith is a spiritual gift that goes hand in hand with dependence; I seek more of it in my life, hence I admire how full of faith Brother Andrew was (and still is!).

 

In missionary school, he was taught to uncomplainingly depend on God for his every need. He speaks of how he prayed, knowing God will but not knowing how He will. From providing daily necessities and meeting his fees, to answering his prayer for seeing eyes to be made blind to the Bibles he carried, he clung to God with child-like faith.  

“That's the excitement in obedience, finding out later what God had in mind.”  

Such faith helps us stand firm in the face of adversity, as we are assured of God's sovereignty. It leads to unquestioning obedience, as we can be certain that whatever God asks of us, wherever He calls us, He will be with us and work it for our good.

 

 

There is a lot more I want to share, but I don't want to spoil the book for you. I urge you to read (or even re-read) 'God's Smuggler' for yourselves - you can ask for a copy here, or if you prefer a comic, here.

May we, like Brother Andrew, be driven by love, to walk the paths God has etched out for us.

If you'd like to know more about the work of Open Doors, here is a little film they've just released:

Images credit: Open Doors Youth UK

A Man Like Peter

Over the past few months, I have fallen in love with Peter. He's just so relatable - he is as impulsive as I am and has a mouth that gets him into a lot of trouble! That aside, I love him because his life is filled with lessons we can all learn.

Empty Service

When I see people serve vigorously in churches, lead worship, defend Biblical truths (sometimes without grace!), write articles on God, passionate about evangelism or even just meticulously observe religiosities, I tend to categorise them as pretty solid believers. My naïve assumptions were soon challenged while meditating on Luke 4 and 5.

The first 11 verses of Luke 5 give an account of Peter's salvation.

v.8 When Simon Peter saw this he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"

 

Although, he previously saw Jesus heal his sick mother-in-law and offered his boat for Jesus to preach from, this is when Peter actually recognises his sinfulness and acknowledges Jesus as the righteous Lord.
This change was the result of a little personal miracle in v.6.

Way before I became a Christian, I used to drop tracts into people's houses. That tract dropping (let us not call it evangelism!) helped me fake a goody-two-shoes persona, when in reality I did not even know my need for a Saviour. It was a personal and rather low-key (compared to Peter's) encounter with the Holy Spirit that opened my eyes to the mystery of grace.

Work in Progress

I remember the day I was baptised. I thought I will never sin again, let alone face temptations...to my dismay, the moment I left the church, I lied!

Peter was much the same. Even though he was by Jesus' side, witnessed the transfiguration, confessed that He was the Messiah - he did not have the plans of God in mind, he impulsively cut off a man's ear and even denied Jesus three times.

I struggled to grasp that Jesus' blood paid it all - past, present and future. Now that does not give us a license to sin, but a license to be freed from the clutches and condemnation of sin. Both Judas and Peter failed Jesus, and no doubt they were both broken by guilt. The difference between a by-name-Christian and a born-again-Christian is in how they respond to this guilt; Peter let the guilt move him to a state of repentance, while Judas sadly let it condemn and kill him. Our human selves are incapable of repenting, much like salvation, this too is the work of the Holy Spirit.

Friend, Jesus' blood has made us perfect forever, but is making us holy as we journey through this fallen world. (Hebrew 10:14)

History Maker

Despite his failings and even his denying, Jesus destined Peter to be a history maker - it was imperfect Peter who was chosen to be the 'rock on which [Jesus] will build [His] church'
Isn't it wonderful that God didn't give up on Peter because he was impulsive!
Isn't it amazing that God did not disqualify Peter from serving Him because of his lack of qualifications!

We all have one assignment: to tell the world about Jesus. God opens doors of opportunities for us to fulfil this assignment; when we take a step of faith, the Holy Spirit takes control (Luke 12:11-12).
Peter, a fisherman, became an apostle who eloquently preached the Gospel to high and lowly alike. Not only were people astonished but many were saved and added to their number.

I don't know about you, but all this reflecting has made me crave some quite-time with our awesome God! Let us get down on our knees and let God transform us into history makers!

Here's one of my all time favourites from Delirious? to set the scene:

Big Stones - Bigger God

Second year at university done; it's been exciting and eventful but one of my big regrets was not spending enough time with my Christian Union brothers and sisters! During the little time I did spend with them, one of my friends engraved a question in me that still echoes in my head during those reflective walks in the park, or those times when my car stalls somewhere and I have a queue of angry honkers yelling abuse at me, or when a particularly nasty set of questions appear on an exam paper...life sometimes hurls us into these dodgy situations, or worse. It is easy to wonder where God is in all of this but,

Do we even know how big God is?

When I struggle with the mundane, I wonder why the God of the universe should be troubled by it. When I face an impossibility, I wonder why God would want to show grace and mercy to miraculously intervene in the life of a flawed being. I'd like to think that my faith is on point...but I know that even though I serve the God of the impossible, logic and reason cloud my mind with doubts and unbelief. God put my doubts to rest recently as I meditated on John 11, where Jesus raises Lazarus to life.

In John 11:16 - I remember shaking my head in dismay at Thomas' profession of unbelief. He says, "Let us also go, that we may die with Him" Despite seeing for himself what Jesus can do and Jesus saying, "this illness will not end in death" - how could he still doubt? As I told myself I would have put Thomas right if I were there, I realised that I too, even after I've tasted His goodness and faithfulness, doubt God and His word.

As we continue reading the passage, we see that Martha follows in Thomas' footsteps. Jesus tells her, "Your brother will rise again" - but she understood Him to be speaking of eternity. We think we know God. We think we know His word. We think we know His promises.
How often do we doubt or misinterpret His promises?
We don't fully believe Him. If we did, the hope we would have would outweigh the worry!

Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?" (v.40)

Our limited understanding of His word, our logic, reason, our set ideas of how we think he is going to work, wipe out the possibility of miracles. Hence Jesus asks us to,

"Take that stone away!"

...'that stone' could be anything that distorts our view of God, anything that blocks our child-like faith, anything that causes us to question the possibility of a miracle - it is anything that stands between us and God being glorified.
Let's face it, we all have preconceived ideas of what/how/when God is going to act. Unless we take those stones away, we won't experience the miracle God has in store, neither will we appreciate it.  It was the Pharisees' preconceived notions of who the Messiah was and what He would accomplish, that stopped them appreciating and experiencing the greatest miracle known to mankind! Let's not make the same mistake.
Let us be expectant, full of faith, trusting in His divine will, because He who promised is faithful. We might face big problems with minds clouded by big stones, but we can rest assured that we serve a bigger God. That makes all the difference!

Holy Green Eye

I love meeting passionate Christians who love God so much that you see it in their understanding of scripture and drive to share the good news...but I recently noticed that although I loved meeting them, I often failed at loving them freely, as people. That was when God showed me that I suffered from the 'Holy Green Eye'.

In Mark 9:38-41, we see John complaining to Jesus about a man (who was not one of Jesus' disciples) driving out demons in the name of Jesus. Why does John complain? He gets the 'Holy Green Eye'. Earlier on in the chapter we see that a man complains to Jesus that His disciples couldn't drive the demon out of his son, so it is no surprise that the disciples were a bit jealous of this other man, who was not one of them, performing such signs! I don't know about you, but I can definitely relate! Here comes the best bit, Jesus' response, "Do not stop him, for no one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me. For whoever is not against us, is for us."

"For whoever is not against us, is for us" - these words echo in my head every time I'm on the verge of contracting this spiritual illness!

Spiritual jealousy, or as I like to call it, the 'Holy Green Eye', stems from an insecurity that you are of little use to God than another, or from a possessiveness towards Him and the gifts of the Holy Spirit. It is a toxin that encourages superiority and creates divisions in a body that is called to be united.

Romans 12:4-6 - 'For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly...'

Do they have a better understanding of God's word? Continue spending time with Him, and you too will get there.
So they speak in tongues! So they lead worship! So they're well read! So they're eloquent! So they're outgoing! So what!
Just because you are not like them, doesn't mean you are useless! We're all given different gifts, called on different journeys, each specifically designed for us and the people in our lives. It is wrong to compare our spirituality and our gifts with others. We might serve differently, but we're part of the same team, trying to achieve the same goal: pointing people to Christ!

Our Christian life isn't a competition. That is a concept alien to my Asian blood! God loves us all, and we have done nothing to earn that love. Instead of fighting for God's favour (which by the way, you already have!) cheer other Christians on, spur them on to serve better, be inspired and challenged by their lives - as wise King Solomon states in Proverbs 27:17, sharpen each other like 'iron sharpens iron'.
Our gifts, or level of Christian maturity do not define our usefulness to God; all He seeks is a willing heart. He qualifies the unqualified! Therefore, the next time you sense yourself developing that 'Holy Green Eye', remember Jesus' words, "For whoever is not against us, is for us".

Where art thou, O City on a Hill?

This week was pretty exciting! On behalf of the Christian Union, my friend and I debated the Atheist, Secularist and Humanist society on 'Is Christianity a force for good in the world?'. It was a great opportunity to share the Gospel. Soon afterwards, I was made aware of a public survey that stated that only 2 in 5 people believed Christianity was a force for good in the world. To say I was sad, would be an understatement, but it did get me thinking, a lot!

Christianity is about God's love, mercy, forgiveness, grace, hope, redemption and reconciliation - when the world is well aware of the doctrine, why do they dismiss it? I'm afraid we are to blame! At the debate, the opposition's arguments were primarily centred on Christians, who in my opinion were not very Christian. Christianity is a term that describes the teachings of Jesus Christ, but the world can only acknowledge these teachings if we, who wear the name tag, 'Christian', practise it. They have a point! After all, they are judging us by our fruits...which are evidently not very alluring!

Recently God's been emphasising the importance of genuine, deep love. From a friend's brilliant article, 'Outrageous Love' to passages from the New Testament as part of the 21 Day Challenge, everywhere I turn I am challenged to love like Jesus did...but what does that look like? Prayerfully consider the verses below:

Luke 3:8 - Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.

 

Mark 12:30-31 - "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." The second is this: "Love your neighbour as yourself". There is no commandment greater than these.

 

Isaiah 29:13 - "These people honour me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teaching are merely human rules."

 

Matthew 23 - '...you have neglected the more important matters of the law - justice, mercy and faithfulness...you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.'

 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

 

1 John 4:8 - Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

The early church didn't care about the legalities or get caught up in trying to sway the government. It flourished in one of the most ungodly empires because it stood out! The world no longer sees people living out the Gospel they preach. They see people who cry out, 'I've been changed' but live lives pretty much like everyone else. They see people who rant about the love of God but seldom express it. They see disputed people, caught up in controversies and arguments on what's right and what's wrong, public slurs and hateful judgements. Is that what Jesus died for? Is that what Jesus meant when He asked us to be salt and light?

Church, the world has cried out, 'we don't see it'! It is our duty to accept the challenge! Let us refuse to pass judgement. Let us channel the grace and mercy shown to us. Let us be people who make the lives of those around us that little bit bearable. Instead of making a public spectacle of the divisions between us, let us focus on being the Gospel. Let us live like Jesus - focused on pleasing God, loving deeply and opening our hearts to the sinner - let God transform them.

Jesus said, 'a city on a hill cannot be hidden' - let us be that city by loving outrageously, pursuing holiness, serving faithfully and believing passionately! If we did all that, who wouldn't see us?

#21DC - The 21 Day Challenge

Almost 2015! I hope you are as excited as I am! I can't wait to see what God has in store, for me personally, for loved ones, for our nation and the world as a whole.
Am I a little worried? Of course I am! The spiritual and moral health of our society is diminishing by the minute, but as Christians, you and I have a responsibility and that is why I refuse to relax or let my anxiety nullify me.

Ultimately, mankind needs God - without Him, our morality is subjective, our eternity is insecure and selfishness abounds where love should reign. I want to see a revival in Britain, spiritually, morally and socially; and in Tim Timmons' words, that 'revival's got to start with me' - hence I have decided to take Landon Schott's '21 Day Challenge' (#21DC)

http://vimeo.com/114728680

http://www.therev.com/

#21DC is a 21 day Daniel fast, from the 5th to the 25th of January. It is a 'personal challenge' designed to equip us to start the new year right - eyes fixed on Jesus, heart set on worship, determined to pursue His purpose and plan.
Why is this important? I'll let Oswald Chambers answer that...

We tend to use prayer as a last resort, but God wants it to be our first line of defence. We pray when there's nothing else we can do, but God wants us to pray before we do anything at all. 

 Prayer does not fit us for the greater work; prayer is the greater work

A 21DC app has been designed for both iPhones and Androids (it's free, so no excuses!). It has a daily reading plan that'll allow us to complete the New Testament in 21 days, easy to follow Daniel Fast recipes and food guidelines, and a chat-room allowing us to connect with others taking the challenge, around the world.

Read. Fast. Pray.
That's what #21DC is all about!

I want to draw closer to God, taking our relationship to the next level. I want my flickering flame to flare up and consume me, so that I love God to the extent that others see it and want Him too. I want to be a woman after God's own heart, unashamed and unafraid, so that His Spirit works in and through me.

My dear brother and sister in Christ, do you share my passion for a spiritual revival, in ourselves and across our nation?
Let's take this challenge together and see God move in and through us in 2015. Remember, a revival has got to start with us!

Finding my Worth - Five Loaves and Two Fish

When I saw the above picture on my Facebook timeline, I knew it was time to write this post.

Until recently, I was a slave to insecurities. At each stage of my life I was insecure about something...my stutter, my body image, my face, my teeth, everything! I felt unlovable. If I was speaking to anyone, chances are I'd think that they didn't like me. I built a wall around myself that I seldom let people penetrate; I'd almost always treat people professionally and never initiate friendships unless I was absolutely certain, because I feared rejection. Truth is, I still do a lot of that now, but the difference is I am breaking free of what has become a part of me.

I was told I sounded like a crow. I was told I was fat. I was told I looked like a man. I was told things that I do not wish to repeat. No matter how hurt I really was, I made sure that I would not let the person in question know that I was - if I was to deal with my 'imperfections', I was not going to do it for them! That attitude seems great at first glance, but the hurt I pretended to brush off was being bottled up inside me; I didn't have the courage to deal with it.
The overload of hurt eventually strangled my confidence and fear triumphed over me. Not only did I believe I was unlovable, I now started believing that God would never be able to use me. My delusions impaired me from living out my God-given calling!

At the Open Doors Youth Advocate Training, God spoke to one of the leaders about my insecurities. The truth she prayed over me broke me to tears. She told me I was treasured, that I was loved, that I was fearfully an wonderfully made, that God is faithful and will complete what He has promised...nothing new; I knew that, but when did I forget?

I forgot it the moment I stopped bringing my cares to the Cross. I forgot it the moment I made man's opinion greater than God's.

'For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance but the LORD looks on the heart.' - 1 Samuel 16:7

For a Christian, who has tasted the goodness of God, this memory loss generally happens at the peak of our spiritual life, when we subconsciously turn the focus away from God! When God uses us, it is often a challenge to remain grounded. Who doesn't love compliments! It is wrong however to live for it. If you live to please a human being, whether it be a random stranger or your 'point of attraction', you'll sadly find that you are not only idolising them, but that you can never quite meet their mark. There's always going to be something they'd like to change about you, because we are all imperfect, every single one of us. We are imperfect people serving a perfect God, and that makes all the difference! In 1 Corinthians 10:31, Paul reminds us that whatever we do, we ought to 'do it all for the glory of the Lord'. The moment we shift the spotlight from Jesus to ourselves, we become vulnerable to judgement, dissatisfaction and hurt...and the cycle continues. Here's a powerful spoken word that hits the nail far better than I ever could...

If you question your usefulness to God, remember that it is often not the greatest and glamorous that God uses, but the lowliest - because it is 'in our weakness' that His 'strength is made whole'.
Samson, the strongest man of his time, won Israel a great victory, not when he was at his peak, but when he had no eyes and was chained up! It was the Spirit of God with him that made the difference.
When Jesus fed 5000 men (and their wives and children), He didn't use a banquet, but 5 loaves and 2 fish from a little boy. The boy could've considered his little packed lunch insignificant (much like we consider ourselves) and kept it to himself - the question is not whether or not God can use us (He obviously can), it is whether or not we are willing to give Him the imperfect, insufficient little that we have! His Spirit can equip us to shake the world, IF we let Him. The Bible is full of unqualified people accomplishing much for God because they stepped out in faith, in complete surrender and trust - are you ready to do the same?

 

My lovely reader, I want you to know that you are gorgeous. You are loved. You are treasured. You are unique, and crafted specifically for the adventures God has in store for you. There is a God who loves you immensely, He takes great pleasure in you. He died for the very imperfections that are holding you back, so that by His death you can be free from judgement and condemnation. He has 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.' He made you worthy, so stop listening to the lies of this world - does their opinion matter in light of your Creator's? I re-discovered my worth in Christ, and I invite you to do the same!